228 days until due date
Today, Pete and I have our eight-week scan – our very first ultrasound of the pregnancy. It’s all very exciting. Or, it would be if it weren’t for this crippling anxiety I seem to have latched onto these past few days. It’s debilitating!
I have no idea what has brought it on as, for the last five months or so, I have not had even the slightest hint of anxiety. And I get that my hormones are going batshit crazy and a lot of my mental capacity is going towards growing a child and trying desperately not to fuck up at work (again), however it just seems to have come on all of a sudden.
It’s funny though, I am not worried about the actual scan at all. I know that bub is going to be growing healthily and the heartbeat will be amazing and I will cry and everything else in this world will be forgotten once I see that beautiful little alien-looking child growing inside me. What I am worried/stressed/anxious about is Pete somehow not making it to the appointment, which he has given me no reason to believe would ever be the case. Like I said, I am going clinically insane. He has already cleared it with his boss that he is leaving early, and he is giving himself AMPLE time to get to the appointment (as he knows how punctual I am) and yet all that I seem to think about is the myriad of things that could inhibit his presence there. There could be a freak accident and he is stuck in traffic, his boss could do something random like fire him for leaving early (like I said, I am crazy), he could simply forget (he never would), and then I would be super upset and unforgiving and everything would fall apart and I would end up sitting in my living room, boobs aching, holding the ultrasound image of our bubba, weeping (possibly naked as no clothes fit me anymore).
This is what my head is like at the moment, people.
Something rather special though, I was over at my mum’s place this weekend and I was getting changed for a baby shower (of which I am definitely not having, but more on that some other time) when she put her hand on my belly. “Leah, you’re showing,” she said to me, and then proceeded to greet the baby as she rubbed and talked to my stomach and pelvic bone. I looked down and saw that she was right. From my pelvic bone up to my belly button, my stomach has changed shape and is getting harder beneath my skin. I am rounding out. Man lovingly called it a little pot-belly the other day which I almost as lovingly chose to ignore.
I did find a sweet t-shirt from k-mart over the weekend that covers my budding bump and makes me look relatively trendy and far less homeless than I have been looking of late. So that’s great – and it was only nine dollars so it was also a bargain, which is also great. And I am wearing it today, currently, right now as I type this.
Another great thing about today, besides the whole seeing our baby for the first time thing, is that it is steak night! Food-wise, things have calmed down for me but then again, it’s only Monday and the week is young my friends. But yesterday for example, I woke up with a HANKERING for an omelette (and those of you who know me, know that I am not a huge fan of eggs nor cheese, nor huge meals for breakfast). So I made a two-egg omelette with cherry tomatoes, bacon and cheese and one piece of toast.
All bub wants at the moment is dairy. At the baby shower I could not stop eating cheese (and pear, and quince, and bread, and chicken, and prosciutto and more cheese), and last week I had two meals that were doused in melted cheese. I, personally, do not eat dairy so it doesn’t come as a surprise to me that baby wants calcium. However, my body does not handle dairy well so immediately after my delightful omelette, I felt utterly ill. But I did learn something from this experience..
LISTEN UP FELLOW PREGNANT WOMEN, fruit is your friend. It might even be your best friend. I felt sick after breakfast for hours, so Man and I went to the shops and I bought grapes and blueberries and rockmelon. I ate some of each and almost immediately felt better. FIBRE AND FRUIT, yield my advice. It was like the fruit broke down the dairy that was clogging my entire system and left me feeling a lot better and very tired. So we put on Predator and I napped. I never nap, but now I do. It’s a thing. Pregnant Leah eats dairy and takes naps.
But for those of you interested, today’s food intake as of 12.08pm stands at:
- Soy hot chocolate
- French raisin croissant scroll thing that has a fancier name than that
- Saladas with peanut butter and butter (if you don’t have butter with your peanut butter, you are dead to me)
- Five cups of black tea (the office is freezing and I am thirsty)
Look, I realise that this post is kind of a little bit all over the place, and I was going to go back and edit the shit out of it, but I am making the conscious decision to not do that – and you know why? What you have just read is a completely real look into the way my mind is working right now. Ask Pete – he is subject to my unfiltered stream of consciousness and will be for the next seven or so months. My mind jumps from one thing to the next with ease and without reason, and I have tried to explain what that is like, but I think this jumbled mess of words and sentences pretty much sums it up.
On that note, I am going to bid you adieu. I cannot focus on anything today other than the fact I am going to see my child for the first time today, hear its rapid little heartbeat and have an actual due date rather than the estimating Pete, my doctor and I have been working from.
Time to go and eat my ham and cheese (ugh, again) sandwich and my mars bar.
Also, book update from my previous post? I accidentally bought a lot of books on the weekend – I have no idea how it happened:
- Am I Doing This Right? by Tanya Hennessy
- Her Pretty Face by Robyn Harding
- The Honey Farm by Harriet Alida Lye
- The Kookaburra Creek Cafe by Sandy Docker
- The Book Ninja by Ali Berg and Michelle Kalus