219 days until due date
When I looked down at myself yesterday morning, I went into a bit of shock. I looked up how big bubba is on my daily facts from The Bump and found out that he/she is the size of a peanut. A PEANUT. That is huge! Just a few days ago it was only as big as a raspberry. I put my hands on my stomach – which up until yesterday had kind of still felt just like a stomach – and the sides are hard, and above my pelvic bone is hard, and it’s all round and pregnant-y. IT’S CRAZY. So of course I took that photo and sent it to Pete.
It felt like the first, real physical milestone of the pregnancy and I was completely consumed by it all day – my hands barely left my stomach.
Having said that, it is also becoming increasingly harder to hide my stomach at work. I am having to find the biggest, loosest tops that I can find whilst also trying not to look homeless. Also, my jeans only first me first thing in the morning now. As soon as I eat something, forget about it – the button gets undone and the zip comes down and that is how it will remain until I can hurriedly peel them off at home.
Yesterday really made me realise that I am getting bigger. I did some math. If I am this big now and my jeans already don’t fit, then by the time I get back from Thailand they most certainly will not fit and as I am going back to work the next day, I will need clothes to wear. So, I (excitedly) did my first bit of maternity shopping! HOORAY!
I am a very basic, plain dresser. I live in white, navy blue, grey and black. My jeans are always simple blue denim or black and I do not like experimenting with colour. This will not change simply because I am pregnant. I searched a few online stores and found that ASOS Maternity definitely offered clothes that best suit my personal style (including some sweet maternity overalls that I am yet to purchase). I didn’t go overboard, nor did I purchase too many of one thing as I have no real idea what size I am going to be.
To get me started, I bought:
- A two pack of tailored yet loose singlets, one white and one black
- A three pack of plain t-shirts in black, white and grey
- A pair of denim jeans and a pair of black jeans, both with under the bump waistband (I would feel totally claustrophobic if I had an over the bump waistband)
- A jumper
- Tights (that do actually go over the bump, BUT IT’S DIFFERENT THAN JEANS)
- A fitted maxi-skirt with a split up the leg (because, sexy)
I am hoping they will arrive in time for Thailand (aka, TODAY PLEASE) so that I can wear them on the plane. I am a terrible dresser for planes when I am not pregnant – I am always uncomfortable, never warm enough and simply cannot look effortlessly casual and trendy no matter what I wear. I am hoping being pregnant with my new pregnant clothes will miraculously change all of that.
Something a little bit more serious though (not in a bad way, don’t worry – this is a happy post!), at lunch today I was flicking through the weekend papers that we have lying around the office when I stumbled across an article by Sarah Ayoub. What I thought was going to be an article about how women have babies just so they don’t need to go back to the stress of the workplace as a working mum (it’s a thing), was actually a piece about how empowering a time being pregnant and on maternity leave can be for a woman. It was an article about how some women find themselves in this time – and you know what? I got it. It resonated so deeply with me.
For the last week or so now – as my pregnancy progresses – I have become more and more worried about the conversation I am going to have to have with my boss when I get home from Thailand. Not my immediate boss (who already knows and has been fabulous about it), but my big, CEO boss boss. Not only am I VERY new to this role, but I also haven’t known my boss boss for long NOR can I read her. I have no idea what she is like, what makes her tick, how she is going to react, etc. I am going in completely blind to this situation.
I have looked up tips on how to approach this online, but nothing really helps. My immediate boss has told me to just do the best job that I can until I announce it to ensure that boss boss knows my worth. I have been doing that, and working hard and trying to prove my worth. What I have been scared of though, is that legally (as in, it is a part of my contract) my probationary period is six months. I have it on good faith that they exercise it as the normal three month stint, however if she wants to get rid of me because of bubba, there is nothing really stopping her from doing so – although I am pretty sure firing someone because they are pregnant is illegal. But you get what I mean.
When I read this article, I realised that I do think that during this time I will really discover who it is I am and what it is I want to do. I love my job – I want to make that abundantly clear. Being a publicist for a publishing house has been my dream for my entire adult life. So yeah – ideally, I would love to keep my job. Even if it means I go part-time or work from home, however it looks, I would love to continue in this position in this field as it is absolutely everything to me.
What the article made me realise though is that, even if the worst scenario happens and I lose my job for whatever reason, I HAVE OPTIONS. I WILL BE OKAY. I was reading about women who, with their time at home (and obviously this article spoke to women who had partners who were able to support them, I can’t imagine what it would be like for those who don’t. Get in touch if you know someone who was in that situation – or if you yourself were) really honed in on what they wanted to do with their life career-wise. One woman started her own homewares company which she runs from home to this day, allowing her to be a stay-at-home AND working mum. Another woman got her masters degree across three pregnancies and returned to the workforce and was offered a promotion. There are stories like these all over the place, and it filled me with hope.
Take this blog, for example. Sure, right now it is focused on pregnancy. I started documenting my pregnancy here for women who were in the same boat as me when I found out – a bit lost, very excited, a lot oblivious, seriously curious. I aim to continue to write a very honest account of what I am experiencing, as well as helpful sites and tips and products (etc.) to provide as much help and support as I can to other women and men who are expecting a child (or whoever just wants a good read, really..). There is the vision there of continuing to write as Man’s and my child grows. I would then be a Mummy Blogger (SHOCK GASP HORROR), something I always swore I would never be. How wrong, I was.
This blog, whatever it ends up being – I would love for it to be a source of income for me. That, of course, is another dream of mine: to be able to support myself and my child and my family with my words and my writing. What the piece I read today showed me, was that it is a possible reality. That if, in fact, my career ends before it really gets going, it doesn’t mean that that is the end. For now, what Sarah Ayoub has done with her article has provided me a bit of breathing space, a bit of calm. So thank you, Sarah Ayoub (as I assume you are reading this, obviously) for giving me an insight into something that is really important to me at the moment, and especially for writing something that I didn’t know I needed to read.
So to sum up:
- My belly is big and hard
- I like Sarah Ayoub
- I am eagerly awaiting a delivery from ASOS (and hoping it will change me into a really cool, snappy, casual, effortless dresser)
- THAILAND IS NIGH
Happy Humpday, everyone.