113 days until due date
I am absolutely exhausted. I am in good spirits, I am the happiest I have been in a long time but I am ridiculously tired/spent/debilitated. There is nothing left in the tank.
Bubba has been going through a big growth spurt this last week which has left me both insatiably hungry and weary through to my bones. I haven’t had a week like this – one where I feel the physical effects of bub growing – for a long time now, and I have needed to remind myself to just simply go with it. I have been sleeping well on the whole, but this week is a whole other story. I am still getting used to my new dimensions (my diameter has increased significantly) and sitting/standing/lying down has to be approached very differently. This past week I have slept maybe one hour hour each night, I even got sent home early from work because of how ruined I looked. I have been waking myself up due to how sweaty I am in the middle of the night – I am overheating as if I have a severe fever. It isn’t pleasant.
On top of that, I toss and turn and wake myself up and bub has also gotten into the really fun habit of kicking me directly in the bladder. On a positive note, my kegel muscles are bloody good but it does mean that I am getting up to go to the bathroom a lot during the night. It would have been fine if it was one restless, sleepless night but it was four, one after the other. I have also been having heart palpitations every night which at first were quite scary as they seemed to last a long time and I wasn’t able to regulate my breathing, but as they started happening more often, I have learned how to position myself and my body and what I need to do to get through the episode (which usually involves linking my hands behind my head, closing my eyes and taking really long, slows breaths). Another thing that seems to have changed lately is my appetite. For the last few weeks my eating habits have been very similar to what they were before I fell pregnant. I was having three main meals a day and that was kind of it (which I don’t advise because it is nowhere near enough). Now though, with bub going through this huge growth spurt, I want to eat anything and everything and this would be fine if bub wasn’t also taking up most of my insides. To satiate my hunger, I am eating regularly but I am also experiencing really bad indigestion so then I need to decide whether making my indigestion worse is worth it to deal with my insane hunger. If you are waiting on a handy tip or hint on how I get around this, I don’t have any. Nothing has worked and I have made peace with the fact that indigestion is now a part of my day and that’s just a thing.
What I am really happy about though is that normally (in the past) when I am this tired it will affect my mood; when my energy levels are low I have always found it really hard to regulate my moods and tend to be incredibly snappy and emotional. This week however, I have remained perky and happy, albeit a complete physical wreck when I get home of an afternoon. That right there is something that I am really proud of, and I seldom say that about myself.
Yesterday afternoon, I showered when I got home and lay on the lounge before I had to make dinner. In the half an hour that I was horizontal (with Dot perched heavily on my round belly), bub moved and kicked and tumble-turned like never before. Never has bub moved that much, for that long, with that much gusto. Bub is at that perfect stage where he/she (I AM SO EXCITED TO REVEAL IT TO YOU ALL) is strong enough now that the kicks are incredibly distinctive and I can actually feel each limb when it juts into my uterine wall, but small enough that there is still ample room to frolic around in. It makes for some very serious playtime in there. Moments like that fill me with a joy that I cannot properly describe – and I love that I am now in a place where I can appreciate and swoon over those moments fully and without distraction.
I am also making progress when it comes to really dissecting my thought and behavioural patterns which instead of being daunting and emotionally draining has been incredibly rewarding and eye-opening. My main goal is to work on my assertiveness which goes hand in hand with a lot of other things – eradicating my constant feeling of guilt and being at fault, my self-worth and self-respect, setting boundaries for myself and with others. I have always looked up to women who are fierce, who are firm in their conviction and unapologetic in their attitude. Confidence. Another big hurdle. I may come across as extroverted and confident to those who I am comfortable with, but when it comes to being confident and backing myself in any given situation, I’m not. Not yet, anyway.
Other than that, we are at the very exciting stage where we can start planning our baby shower! As it is going to be so close to Christmas, Pete and I decided to have the baby shower in early December so that majority of people are free and we will be celebrating the baby shower, Pete’s birthday and our housewarming with one big party. Shari and I are just starting to have discussions about decorations and food and alcohol and absolutely zero baby shower games (they aren’t my thing) so stay tuned for some exciting posts including:
– how to create a killer grazing table (all recipes included) (think homemade dips, honey and rosemary brie, etc.)
– T(O)NM Signature Mocktail/Cocktail
– how to throw a baby shower on a budget
– handmade buntings, table toppers and decorations
– how to theme and style your baby shower (gender specific and neutral)
– quirky baby shower games (even though I don’t enjoy them, I definitely know some gooduns)
Cannot even tell you how bloody excited I am.